Our Journey & God's Deliverance

Upon celebrating our first anniversary of moving & living in Arlington, TX in Nov of 2007, my husband mentioned to me the weight in his heart regarding our home. He shared with me how God was moving in his heart that the house we were living in was not the right house for us. Little did I know what lessons in sacrifice & discipline, regarding house, home, marriage, and service that I would soon be learning!
I was floored by my husband's sharing and wasn't ready to hear that we might need to consider giving up our “dream” home (well, at least, in my perspective, it was my dream home). Granted, we had definitely had our fair share of financial trouble and burdens since moving into the, but the thought of moving again had never crossed my mind. That is, until April 19th of 2008.
It was on this day that God revealed to me, through His Word and time with Him, a little of what the future held for my family & I. I was attending our church's annual women's retreat that weekend and was attentively listening to our speaker on what God teaches about glorifying Him. It was in her directing us to two particular scripture passages that I experienced an encounter with God that I will never forget. It was a pivotal and life-changing moment.
First, this passage of Jesus' words in John 16:13-15 jumped off the pages at me:
“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.”


“he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you.” are the key words that rang in my ears...along with the one word of : Sacrifice.

The Spirit was directing me in what to do, and what was yet to come. He was clearly guiding me, in that one word, sacrifice, and bringing to mind the words Rob shared from his heart from months past. It was time I got on board with God's plan, let go of our home, and sacrifice. It is what He desired, and it was what would bring glory to Him.

The next passage shared by our speaker only continued to confirm this line of thought. These are, once again, Jesus' words from John 17: 1-5:

“Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may k now you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.”

I realized, as I sat there, that the highest honor I could ever achieve or receive in this life would be to share with Him how I had “brought You glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. “

Here, in Jesus' exact words, was confirmation that I was hearing correctly, and that glory would be brought to Him if we were to obediently act on what He was sharing, and continue to listen, trust, & obey. True discipline (of a higher level) was about to be introduced into our lives, not to mention the promised blessings of the abundant life God has for us.
So, in June of 2008, we officially had our house on the market. We had a fight with the devil for a month or so, as we had some major setbacks to overcome before getting our house on the market. The spring of 2008 held several major storms for the north Texas area, especially one hail storm that did quite a bit of damage to many homes. One of those storms damaged our home and we took on quite a bit of water in our guest bedroom downstairs. Thus, the baseboards, flooring, and some sheet rock all had to be replaced and repaired. Knowing that Satan was doing his best to try to keep us from moving forward in our mission to glorify God, we moved forward with great gusto in getting that room repaired!
To our dismay, upon putting the house on the market the beginning of June, we had a buyer and a contract on the house within 5 days, complete with the sale at our asking price. This was unheard of, especially since it was the beginning of the housing market crash and such dire economic times. But, we all knew, that it was to God's glory that the house had sold, and it was God Himself who had orchestrated the events and provided what seemed to be the impossible.
For me, this is where the story takes a twist & turn, and where I was privileged with the opportunity to draw even nearer to our Lord. He challenged us. For, in the week and a half before we were supposed to close on the house, the buyers backed out of the contract. They offered no explanation, just that they simply were no longer interested in the home. My husband and I were crushed, especially since we had already moved forward in extending a contract on another home and were set to move into that home within that same week and a half. Everything that we thought was in place fell apart. Not only did we have to withdraw OUR contract, we had to re-think school enrollment for our oldest who was entering into kindergarten. We had to re-think how we were going to organize the house so that it would be ready to go back on the market, even though we had a majority of the house already packed up. Needless to say, I was personally devastated & crushed. And, I felt lost in understanding this side of God. We had been obedient in doing what He had asked...we were making sacrifices to glorify Him...this event just didn't mesh with the understanding of the characteristics of the God I thought I knew.
However, God is faithful. God is always in control. God can always be trusted. And, it was to these promises I clung. I delved into His Word, grateful to our church for providing a summer study of the Psalms. Being in the Psalms during this particular season in life was God's way of coming-alongside, continuing to love me, and shower me with the revelation of ways He was truly in the details of our lives. I also came to the understanding that it wasn't about understanding God and His ways. It was about trusting Him. Something so simple, and that I thought I understood, yet truly did not. For, when I was left baffled by circumstances, I floundered and began traveling down “Avenue 'D'”....avenue of defeat, doubt, etc., and asking those “why” questions that are all too easy to ask of God when circumstances are dire. It was during this time, and being in the Psalms, that I began to understand that He was reminding me, and asking me, to let go of trying to “understand” and to simply trust Him. There is freedom found in Trust....freedom indeed!
So, we devised a plan, with our trust and faith firmly founded in Christ and what He had planned in the future months. We made the decision to homeschool our daughter, as the move and change of schools continued to be inevitable. We felt this was the best decision for our family, especially for precious Cameron. Our house was back on the market by the beginning of August and we had a plan for the fall months. I won't gloss it over and say that those months were easy months...they weren't. Especially due to the dire financial strain we continued to suffer, and how it carried over into our marriage & family life. Part of my reason for not sharing this story more openly is due to the emotional time it has been for Rob and myself. It is simply too difficult sometimes to open up when emotions are so tender and raw. Simply put, last year was a very difficult year for Rob and I in our marriage.
However, my strength and courage to persevere came from the Lord. I am incredibly thankful for my involvement and the structure of BSF. I find great encouragement from example & commitment of fellow BSF leaders. It is their living example and the discipline of being in God's Words daily that has continued to carry me through all the difficulties. Let me share how our BSF study of the Life of Moses has directly correlated and encouraged me during this final part of the journey.

It was in our lecture from Ex 16, that our Teaching Leader mentioned how the Israelites were grumbling. Yet God did not have it out with Israel. Instead, He was using this time to test, teach, and grow Israel because Israel needed to see God in the details. They needed to be encouraged to live life in the vertical. I saw a direct parallel between the season of life the Israelites found themselves in and the season of life I found myself in. God had been growing me, teaching and testing me and revealing Himself to me in the details of my life.
I also found great comfort in Ex 17:27, when the Israelites came to Elim and were refreshed. God led the Israelites to Elim and He provided healing. There is healing found in His Word. He promises to deliver us from pain and, through this passage in Ex 17, shows us how He is in the very details of our lives. After we pass the test...there is deliverance. Oh, did I ever hold fast to this promise! It provided such hope for me last November!
I was also encouraged by the lecture surrounding Exodus 33. Our Teaching Leader mentioned, “Once we have tasted of God, we want nothing less.” Moses had tasted of God and he yearned for nothing more than to move forward with Him. How encouraged I was by these words, for they were reminders of the times God had spoken to me through His Word and how being in His presence, experiencing His glory through spending time in His Word were all fulfilled promises to living the abundant life. I had already experienced so much, and there was so much to look forward to, if I only continued to look to Him (not circumstances). His peace would prevail if only I remained focused on Him through it all.
All in all, we have continued to remain focused, continued to remain obedient, and have experienced joyful deliverance as we started a new year with 2009. While on vacation, we received the news that we had a contract on our home. We were to close on January 23rd. Now, here is where God's Word continues to align with our lives so perfectly, and he continues to reveal Himself in the details of our lives:
-Jan 14th found us discussing Exodus 40. Exodus 40:34-38 discusses God's glory filling the completed Tabernacle and how the cloud rested on the Tabernacle. The Israelites were guided by the cloud, when it lifted, they traveled, when it descended, they remained encamped. From this lesson, our Teaching Leader shared with us the Blessings of Doing it God's Way, which were: a clear conscience (at peace), safety (God protects us from mistakes we cannot foresee), joy in knowing we are pleasing God, and unbroken fellowship and awareness of His presence. Oh, how I rejoiced in my seat upon hearing these words of confirmation! To be living in the blessings of God! Everything was moving forward smoothly for our closing and move on Jan 23rd, and we were about to be delivered from a bulk of financial hardships brought on by our house, and with that a renewal of marriage commitments (we celebrated 12 years on Jan 4th and have enjoyed this year of “new beginnings”)
Our Teaching Leader continued to share that, “God honors our obedience...His blessings are out of the world.” Oh, yes they are! What peace comes from obedience in Him, what joy there is in knowing we are walking in His ways, what rest comes from trusting in Him with ALL the details of our lives.
That day in January, we were also encouraged from Ex 38:21 to be “diligent in tracking our resources for God, just as we are diligent in our personal resources." For the first time in our marriage history, Rob and I are committed to tithing our 10%. We are committed to give cheerfully and thankfully from all that God has given us.
We closed successfully on our home on Jan 23rd. We are now living with my mother in law as we prayerfully move forward in house hunting. As we step into this next portion of God's Plan, and ultimate deliverance, we can be encouraged by the journey and how evident His hand has been in all events. One of the next steps involves my mother in law. She goes in for surgery on Feb 12th for repair of a hernia, as well as the removal of a tumor. God's Plan was to have His timetable be such that we could all be living under one roof together so that we could come alongside her as she recuperates and faces the future of whatever the prognosis of this surgery reveals (ie results from pathology on the tumor). God knew we would need one another, and He placed us all right where we needed to be at this crucial time in life. Not to mention, upon enrolling our daughter into school, my responsibilities are lifted so that I can serve God's purpose with this Divine Entrustment He has given me in caring for my mother-in-law during this time. Pray for us as we begin this new journey and to God be the Glory in & through it all!

Epiphanies (and ABBA music playing in my head!)

"Mama Mia" inspired us to dress up and dance!











"You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." John 13:7

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delvers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."
Psalm 34:17-19

Who knew that God could use a Hollywood movie to shine some light on life? Well, I sure know that now! I had the wonderful pleasure of going to see the movie, "Mamma Mia" with my sister during my recent visit to Lubbock. And, well, simply put...it is one of the silliest and most fantastic movies I've seen in quite a while (not to mention fantastic music throughout, whether or not all the actors/actresses could hit all their notes!). The lesson I heard throughout the movie, and that God wanted me to be reminded of and to hear, was quite simple...to not take life so seriously. Have fun, embrace this gift of life He has given us, enjoy, laugh, relish in Him, and live this gift of life to the absolute fullest we can. Now, I know...those aren't all clear, concise, resounding themes throughout the movie, however, it was the underlying theme that rang out clear to me, and encouraged my heart to soar.

See, with my current study of the Psalms (and plenty of time spent face-down before our loving Lord), I have come to understand some certain Truths that have been so difficult for me to grasp & understand. For instance, in light of our family's current trials, how can I rise above the sour circumstances and claim joy? How does a Christian do this? How is it possible to shine His light when you are so disappointed, grief stricken, and/or unclear as to where the Lord is leading/what He is doing/why things are happening the way they are? In Psalm 34:17-19, we find our promise...and it resounds in many of the other Psalms, as well. He is above all circumstances. He is in control. He is good to us. He hems us in and protects us. We may have to endure much in this fallen world, and fallen society, but He is there....waiting to refine & grow us for the Kingdom He ultimately has for us.
Beth Moore writes (in her Psalms of Ascents study), "God's delivering us from every ounce of trial will never develop the relationship that occurs when He shows Himself faithful right in the midst of difficulty, delivering us through it. That's where we come to know Him, to love Him, to appreciate Him."
Such truth in those words! Upon reading these words, I am reminded of the single common thread that has been the underlying theme to my life this past year & a half upon moving to Texas (and thus embarking on this "season of trials")...to truly learn how to PRAISE Him.
Where have I learned to turn in times of trouble, brokenness, pain, as well as, joy, thankfulness, and gratitude? Where will my help come from?
"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow my foot to slip, Your Protector will not slumber." Psalm 121:2-3
Yes, life has been difficult. Yes, I have cried buckets of tears. But, never have I been closer to Him, felt Him refining me so deeply, holding & carrying me, and allowing Him such sweet control & surrender of my mind, body, heart, & soul. He is doing great things...He is doing great things indeed.
So, rest assured that this "Dancing Queen" is discovering how to allow Him complete control, which then encourages me to focus on Him only & rise above circumstances. Through Him, I can embrace this life He has gifted me with, sing praises and thanksgiving to Him all the day long!
Let us all strive to embrace this life He has given, live it fully & joyfully to Him, and praise His good & worthy name forevermore!
You, too, can be a "Dancing Queen!"

Finding Encouragement through Disappointment

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace...." Isaiah 55:8-12

This has been the most significant disappointment that I have encountered in a long while, and I struggle hourly to remain above the disappointment, anxiety, fears, & tears. Things are easier as we venture from the home to different places, however as soon as we return home, the storm clouds settle again into my heart and soul. Yes, it's hard on me, but it is also hard on the family, especially Cameron & Taylor who know enough that something has happened, but don't quite understand the complexities of it all. Or, why mom hasn't been smiling more these past couple of days.
But, the Lord is gracious in His Word. He has continuously led me to the words and promises written by the prophet Isaiah. And, in these words I find comfort. In these words I find guidance. In these words, I see His ultimate purpose, wait & trust patiently in Him, that He is protecting and guiding, and His ultimate plan in all this will be revealed in His time. We are asked to patiently wait, listen, trust, & obey.
A good friend, and ever-so wise woman, recently wrote and shared the following words with me, and they are comforting, encouraging, and hold so much Truth:

"What a mystery to this turn of events is to us, but not to God. It
is so difficult to trust God when we cannot see His Hand. Perhaps His
Hand of protection is raised...Who can know also anything about this
fragile and crazy economy! We just have to trust what we cannot see.
Sometimes our feelings overpower what God may be trying to say. I am
going to pray that you and Rob will be able to hear and perceive what
you do not currently know ("deep calling unto deep"). Stay under the
Word of God. Wait to hear from Him. Do not panic about this. Your
home is beautiful & it will sell at "just the right time." I can
promise you that when you and Rob get to the other side of this (which
you will), you will see that "God was in it all along". We will be
praising Him for His infinite wisdom!!! Everything is OK! Just wait
and see. "

All I can say is, thank heavens we are headed to the beach at the end of the week! Youth ministry and Fun in the Son saves the day again! Oh, how I cannot wait to be on the beach, be with others, worshipping and praising our precious Lord & Savior, and encouraging others in their walk with Christ.

Lord, may your Spirit fill my heart and soul throughout today so that I can shine YOU. Your strength and not my own...

Setbacks

"Hear, O Lord, my righteous plea; listen to my cry...I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings..."
Psalm 17:1,6-8

It is with great sadness that I write this post. The contract has fallen through on our current home, and as of right now, we are not moving and everything is stalled as we move back to where we started, and that is to have the house be back on the market.
We found out late last night that the buyers of our home dropped the contract, yet we still have no reasoning as to why. Yes it was past the option period, and yes, things like this aren't supposed to happen. So, we have decisions to make, emotions to grapple with, and a house to get back together for show/sell mode. Yes, we are heart-broken. And, yes, we are currently baffled by this turn of events. Maybe it's God's protective Hand...maybe it's a test of continued faith & perseverence...whatever it is, we are left baffled & heart-broken by this turn of events.
We are hopeful that our realtor will make contact with the buyer's agent today (so far, his calls have not been answered) and have some of our questions resolved. Until then, we move forward to ready our home "For Sale" once again. Pleasejoin us in prayer for the owners of the home we were going to buy...I know they are in the same predicament we are and their hearts are broken today too (as we had to w/draw our contract). Truly, our God is faithful & His will & plan perseveres.
Pray also for Rob and I as we (hopefully) discuss things tonight. I say hopefully, b/c I am unaware of his schedule. He just returned from Mexico late last night, and then went right into work as of this morning. I am hoping we can find some time tonight to pray, process, and sort through some of this muddle. Pray for guidance, as the path we thought was so clear, has officially become dark & gloomy. His hand is there, guiding and directing, we simply need ears to hear, faith to move, and trust to persevere through this storm.
And, please pray for my heart...it is broken in a thousand different pieces. I am finding solace in the Psalms (16 & 17 to be exact)....but clarity and answers to the baffling situation would be a blessing from Above.

Making Sacrifices

We're having to say good-bye...and having to let go. God has asked us to make some sacrifices, and our home is one of the top things that we are being asked to let go of. It's necessary, and I know it is a blessed thing, as I've experienced God's peace throughout this entire journey. However, my own humanness makes it still hard, as I grieve some of the material things (ammenities in our home) that I am being asked to sacrifice. But, I long for being in His will & living for Him in all I do, and for this sense of peace and joy, I let go of our home graciously and gladly.
You see, as I've mentioned, this entire move revolves around God asking us to make some sacrifices. Basically, He has asked us to do so in order we can bring more glory to Him with our finances. It has involved months of prayer, beginning initially with Rob coming to me several months ago saying that his heart was uneasy about not being in God's will with our home. We have had many financial difficulties, and basically, life has hit us hard this last year & a half with the extra financial strain/drain that a more expensive home can bring (upscale homes can be quite needy!). It has been needy in that it didn't have updated major appliances (meaning heating & A/C, water heaters, etc), which it now does. Don't get me wrong, there have been many blessings along the way, and God has definitely cared for us. However, things have also been very difficult. We just haven't found our financial footing since moving back to Texas from Virginia, & we definitely haven't been glorifying God with our finances (meaning tithing has taken a backseat to life's agenda, home stressors, and medical emergencies). Anyway....it was this past April (during our church's Women's Retreat) that God really got a hold of my heart and brought me to a point to lay it all down and realize that sacrifice is what He was indeed teaching us (or me...b/c yes, I love our home and it's many wonderful ammenities...don't even ask me how difficult it is going to be to let go of the pantry I can twirl around in!). So, our current goal is to reduce our mortgage so that we can live more w/in margin & that we can give to our church, family & others that which we feel called to give, glorifying Him through it all.
Within all this, a move will also allow us to get our daughter, Cameron, into the elementary school that we prefer. It hasn't been the driving force by any means, but ended up being one of the blessings that has come from the decision we made. The school we are zoned for simply doesn't have the strength in leadership and resources that the move into this new district will give us.
All that said, after a trying couple of months (between April & end of May) working hard to get our house on the market (we had several set backs, including a flooded guest bedroom and have to add new flooring!), we finally got it on the market just before the girls and I left for a mission trip to San Antonio the beginning of June. Saturday, June 7th, to be exact. The rest of the story, thus far, is that our house SOLD by Wednesday, June 11th!! So, even in this market and these times, God's timing was to have it sold in FIVE days, complete with the sale being right at our asking price! He is bigger than the housing market, He is faithful, and yes, He is amazing! This is certainly something we already knew, yet I continue to be in awe that He felt inclined to ultimately show us how He was in complete control of this step of faith & obedience from us in selling our home. Yes, all this happened during the same morning, on the mission trip, that I was dealing with having my car window replaced after a break-in to it! Needless to say, it was a crazy day! All in all, we are certainly excited to be in the home He has picked out for us. We are looking forward to moving into a home that is two doors down from my mother-in-law, in the school zone we desired, and a lower mortgage payment with the ability to pay off our home in 15 years vs. 30 years! To God be the glory!!
As long as all goes well, we will close on our old & new homes July 15th. We would certainly appreciate your prayers for continued smooth transition, strength for packing, and then endurance for unpacking. Thank you, whoever is reading, for your prayers & support! God is good and to HIM be the glory!
And, be forewarned, there may be some saddened blog entries as I endure letting go of this place we have called home for the last year & a half. A girl just has to have a place to unwind and let go.

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2007 In Review!

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