"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Do's will is--his good, pleasing, & perfect will."
-Romans 12:1-2
As I sit here, preparing to type, my prayer to the Lord is for a transformed mind. I strive for my mind to be continually renewed and my heart & focus forever on Him.
The in-depth studying of Romans 12:1-2 has been significant for me. And, I'm still trying to wrap my mind & heart around all that God is revealing to me.
One thing is for certain...I take for granted, daily, the gift He has given me through His son, Jesus Christ. Forgive me, Lord, for how I struggle in accepting and comprehending the depths of Your kind of love. Yet, He graciously continues to open my mind & heart to His amazing love and meet me where I am, encouraging me to take a step deeper, closer, and more intimately with Him. Asking me to trust Him with more of myself, more of my life. Afterall, isn't God's mercy to us undeserving believers the only motivation needed for living a life of submission & service?
Trust and contentment in Him have been the theme of my learnings upon moving to Texas from Virginia. It's been a difficult journey, and one that isn't complete yet! Oh, but how I wish it were complete! I'm ready for the next chapter! :)
But, I must be a slower learner, because here I am...still learning the depths of trust & contentment. One promise I have loved learning is wrapped up in God's will. His "good, pleasing, & perfect will."
I'm still not certain how all of what I have learned applies to my discernment for the future. However, that is why I am writing...with the hopes for some clarity.
What I have learned of God's will is this:
- Our faithful obedience to serve God and pursue His truth will reveal the goodness of His plan for our lives.
- His "good" will is equavilent to having OUR best interest in mind.
- His "pleasing" will is equivalent to the "proper" fit (like the most comfy pair of jeans I own)
- His "perfect" will is absolutely complete
Yes, I'm grappling with whether or not I fill out teaching applications for the fall. Is my pursuit of a teaching position solely because I see the dire financial need? If it rests on that, then I am not trusting the Lord and I am taking the reigns back into my own hands.
Or, am I feeling the nudges from the Spirit to pursue a teaching position? Is this the next step in the journey? Is this one of my purposes? Is this the calling God now has for me, in addition to motherhood?
I'm scared to say no, it isn't. There is a great deal of security to be had/found in pursuing a teaching position. It would mean, that in spite of our house in Virginia selling/not selling, we would be OK finanicially. Isn't this the responsible thing to do? There is security in being responsible. There is security in doing what seems to be the logical, next step.
But, what about my committment to family? What about my committment to stay home with the girls until I felt called out of the home? Am I being called, or am I responding to responsibilities?
And, is God's hand strong enough to hold me in all of this?
Of course He is...we know that...I know that...but, do I REALLY? In my head, yes...but in my heart...to know it enough to put it into action?
Leads me right back to the beginning of my writings and how I take for granted His love and gift to me. How I doubt that He truly is the All in All and that He will be there for EVERY need.
Even when He has given so much. Maybe all I need to do right now is rest in this Truth.
Oh, to know what He his plans are for me! To know what He has in store for me!
That is the question!
