“This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the
Holy One of Israel:
‘I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is
best for you,
Who directs you in the way you should go.’”
Isaiah 48:17
What a joy it has
been to witness God in the details of our lives, actively guiding us through our prayers in this single
verse over the past three years. In
glory & honor to Him, allow me to share just how He has been faithful to guide
& how He is the sovereign One in control of our very lives:
This
specific journey began following General Assembly of the PC USA denomination
the summer of 2010. Our denomination made
choices that went against our own personal
beliefs, & as the votes across the country came in, it quickly became a very confusing and
grievous time for us personally, as well as for a majority of our church
corporately. We went through a season of
prayer & discussion, as a church, to clearly discern the role God would
have us all play in these changes at the denominational level. Rob encouraged the church to make decisions
for their church as a whole, and
worked hard to purposefully not confuse his personal viewpoints with the
church’s overall perspective. He chose
to keep his viewpoint veiled, for good purpose and reason. See, it’s not Rob’s agenda the church should
follow, but the Lord’s agenda…and seeking the Lord, His ways, His purposes,
need not get confused by Rob’s personal thoughts, feelings, agenda, etc. Never has Rob been the kind of leader that would
throw out his perspective and say “follow this.” Instead, he is the type of leader that is
going to bring to perspective all the points & perspectives of a situation,
educate & teach, so that the universal population can make the educated choice
necessary for their organization (ie
church).
In all
honesty, it has been a precarious tight-rope that Rob has walked in guiding and
leading, but one in which he has always encouraged the Session & elders of
our church to abide in God & His ways regarding our church family. Rob has also honestly shared time & time
again that the path God leads the church down may/may not be one that God will
ask Rob to follow. The over-riding
lesson in all of this should remain: fervently seek God, always. (Matthew 6:33)
During
this time, between 2010 through September, 2011, God was faithful to share two words with
us: stand firm. What a joy it was to witness Him answering
the cry of Isaiah 48:17, as well as revealing some of His purpose for us to
continue to trust in His perfect timetable!
To share just how God used these two words to encourage & strengthen
me during this journey, let me share a journal entry I penned in April of 2012:
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the
deliverance the Lord will bring you today.” Exodus
14:13
“You, too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming
is near.”
James 5:8
“Stand firm...key words God has
whispered over me these past several years.
It was a joy to experience this realization today. Lo & behold, standing
firm in love has been the common thread woven into all circumstances we
have encountered since ’09. No doubt
they will continue to be key words God has for me in this beautiful journey
called life.
Stand firm, emphasized initially by
precious friend and church-member, Betty Snowden, first in ’09 as we studied
the Life of Moses together. She offered those words as a prayer for Rob and I
as we walked through the highs & lows of home selling, financial
difficulty, and church/Christian leadership.
Stand firm was reiterated
just recently in James 5:8 as we currently find ourselves patiently waiting
upon the Lord for His clarification in service & ministry. The realization of how we have heeded,
listened and obeyed His standing firm in love and the joy & peace that
comes from such an awesome realization is simply amazing. What a gift to receive this Word from Him
today.
A
passage in BSF notes from Lesson 28 resonates with exactly where Rob and I find
ourselves currently, and I draw such encouragement from this understanding from
James 5:8-10:
“One problem with patience is that
it appears to be entirely passive, and we are activists…Often we have to be
patient in an active way…. “standing firm” suggest a more aggressive
behavior---holding tightly to what you have, bearing up under oppressions so that
you might give testimony to the gospel, not retreating from what you know. “Stand firm” means that we are to endure as
God’s ambassadors, making sure that we
really live for Him.”
I
am guilty of not being very patient. I am guilty of being an activist, eagerly
searching for that “new” opportunity that will be the answer for taking us away
from all current church/denominational drama, decisions, hardships, etc. However, God is patiently asking me to
continue “standing firm,” holding tightly
to what I have. Love the church,
love its people, which are His people.
So, yes, for the time being we are
to remain patient and to continue to stand firm. We are to love His church, and focus on His
beautiful eternal perspective vs a circumstantial perspective. This eternal perspective is one of complete
expectancy of how He is daily teaching/ growing/ refining me to be better
suited for His eternal kingdom. I choose
to be refined for His glory so I can be better suited for His eternal
kingdom. I choose to take this High
Road, that currently has us remaining right here in Arlington, Texas, living
and breathing for Him…really living for Him…loving all those He puts in our
path & ministering to them as they minister to us.”
Although it shouldn’t surprise me, I still find
it awesome and amazing that no sooner did I pen these words & more clearly
understand God’s purpose for having us remain in the PC USA (for I personally
wrestled with continuing to actively remain), then things would begin to change
and a door soon open for the possibilities of serving elsewhere.
In May of 2012, God re-opened the
door with Loveland, CO (we had first been introduced to them in
2011, however, at that time, they had two pastoral candidates and were at the
end of their search process. In God’s
timetable, it was a closed door for us in 2011). It was in mid-May that Faith EPC contacted Rob,
sharing how they were reviewing his pastoral resume submitted from the
precious fall and wondered if he might
still be interested in talking with them regarding the pastoral position
(apparently their 2 candidates had fallen through and they were re-booting the
pastoral search). This simple phone call and opening of a door was such
an answered prayer for encouraging Rob at this time.
You see, I had asked for prayers just the
previous Sunday (prior to this contact from CO) as FPCA learned that they would
not be leaving the denomination, but instead seeking to work within the
structure of the PC USA to remain and reflect Light of being evangelicals and
disciples of Christ, as well as becoming more missionally oriented.
Although the presentation went well and was well received, for most intent
and purposes, their pastor (aka Rob) was
not. He came home that Sunday night following everything being delivered
& was so visibly discouraged...it was heart-breaking. His
discouragement stemmed from the realization that he was in a lose-lose
situation as a pastor with the PC USA and that the battle could truly not be
won from within any more. With the denomination as a whole dying (and slowly
dying for the last couple of decades), and fewer pastors coming into the
denomination, we personally were looking at the slow death of our retirement
& pension plan, as well as the denomination as an entity, and the reality
that the denomination was allowing the culture dictate their faith vs the
authority of scripture. In all this, Rob continued to see the bigger
picture and how there simply was not a future for him w/in the PC USA any
longer, especially if he wanted to continue to healthfully provide for his
family and our future. On the flip-side, he was also seeing how his
decision to leave would hurt many of those he knew and loved, and has loved for
a lifetime (and whom he has seen significant spiritual growth in since his
return to Arlington
as pastor). Needless to say, it was a heart-wrenching time for Rob...for
me, too, but definitely for Rob, who was personally shouldering so much more
than I ever have throughout this journey.
However, that phone call from Loveland was an answered prayer to remind Rob
that God was in control and is sovereign over all things. With Loveland
(aka Faith EPC), there was a promise of a new beginning and a new denomination
(for us). With this new piece of the
puzzle, we sent out word to our prayer warriors to pray that we:
- Not grow weary in doing His will (Hebrews 12:3)
- Continue standing firm & steadfast, remembering our charge in 2 Timothy 4:5
- Continue to be made new in the attitude of our minds (Eph 4:23)
- To be given the Spirit of wisdom & revelation so we may know Him better & that the eyes of our heart may be enlightened in order that we may know the hope to which he has called us (Eph 1:17-18)
- To continue in humility & gentleness, being patient and bearing with one another in love (Eph 4:2; 1 Thess 3:12)
Upon
sending out this prayer request, we truly began seeing the hand of God actively
at work in amazing ways, and He revealed Himself & His purpose in incredible
ways, especially through the studies of Nehemiah & Genesis, respectively.
In
all glory & honor to our Lord, here is how we actively saw the Lord at
work:
·
Faith
EPC first came into our line of sight in the fall of 2011; until the spring of
2012, it was a closed door
·
God
re-opened the door as of May, 2012 to revisit with Faith EPC
·
We
moved forward with phone interviews & times devoted to prayer (by them
& us) throughout the summer and into the fall of 2012
·
We
witnessed, and Rob counseled, the pastor & church in Longview as they endured the grief-filled
& divisive journey of being ripped apart by Presbytery over leaving the
denomination in 2011-12. Oh how God has
a beautiful ending to this story!
All
the above are just some of the literal details of what was happening in our
personal lives. Here is how God walked
with us through the details through my personal study of Genesis (as penned in
my journal in Feb, 2013):
“How I have truly felt as if I were walking
with Abraham through our personal circumstances with each page turning of my
study of Genesis with BSF this year! Oh what a role model of faith we
have in him and how thankful I am to be studying him & Genesis during this
season of life!
It has been from my study of Gen 16 (Hagar & Ishmael) that I have
truly felt reassured by God that we have
been faithfully walking in the path He has for us, abiding in Him and obeying
what we have heard Him telling us. Through the BSF lecture over this
passage, I was reassured with principles such as: ‘Faith submits to God’s plan,
awaits His timing, and obeys His directives’; ‘Faith recognizes
and rejoices in God’s personal interaction and care & He mercifully
intervenes in our lives” (just as He was proving to do with me as I sat
& listened, glowing as He tenderly and attentively loved on me with
reassurance of His Sovereignty); ‘By
faith, believers in Jesus Christ die to sin and self in order to live for God’
(Gal. 2:20)”; and finally, ‘When we wait
on the Lord, our reward will be deeper relationship with Him, & abiding
joy, & strength.’
As I have continued to abide in Him, He truly has blessed me with a transformed heart, spirit, and turned my grief & mourning into joy…a TRUE blessing from obedience!
So, now fast-forward to Gen 22....Abraham's ultimate test of sacrificing Isaac. Abraham underwent testing and was told by God to "take, go, and sacrifice." He was tested to his very limit, to show/ensure his love for God above all else. Principle from this: ‘God initiates and allows tests of sacrifice to purify and deepen our devotion to Him.’ God also purges idols from our hearts through testing.
I think we'll both agree that Rob and I have been enduring a season of testing. One reason the first mentioned lesson on Gen 16 was so reassuring was that it reaffirmed that we were doing right by God. We were walking in faith, even though we didn't understand (see, after our face-to-face interview with CO in early Dec, God led us to say "no" to their invitation to continue in the process & become their pastoral candidate). As for me personally, I was clinging to Him and learning to trust Him in a new level with my obedience and submission. I was learning to trust in His love at a new level. He never let me down...constantly comforted, reassured, and encouraged with His words (and with friends He brought my way) :) He was also asking me to trust Him in ALL matters, even if that meant to remain in Arlington. That was to be my sacrifice. My dream of living in CO, being encompassed by living in an honest, transparent community, and the idea of adventure were only small components of the idols that needed to be sacrificed, as ultimately God was asking how deep was my trust in Him. Do I trust Him if His calling were to remain in Arlington? Do I trust Him if He were asking us to remain within the PC USA denomination as a family? Would I move forward with Him and surrender all? As you know, my answer was yes, and surrender/sacrifice was made. Was it easy? NO! Sacrifice & surrender always comes at a cost and it is never easy, however, isn't it interesting that only in the Christian life does surrender mean & bring VICTORY? ;) Key principle from this: ‘Faith in God's perfect provision enables true worshipers to surrender all.’ Also, as I continued to spend time with Him, and be in His Word, He made it abundantly clear that He already knew of the quality of my love for Him, but I needed to know that I loved God above all others. This was something key He had been revealing and showing me during this entire faith-testing, and the key lesson He had for me to understand.
As I have continued to abide in Him, He truly has blessed me with a transformed heart, spirit, and turned my grief & mourning into joy…a TRUE blessing from obedience!
So, now fast-forward to Gen 22....Abraham's ultimate test of sacrificing Isaac. Abraham underwent testing and was told by God to "take, go, and sacrifice." He was tested to his very limit, to show/ensure his love for God above all else. Principle from this: ‘God initiates and allows tests of sacrifice to purify and deepen our devotion to Him.’ God also purges idols from our hearts through testing.
I think we'll both agree that Rob and I have been enduring a season of testing. One reason the first mentioned lesson on Gen 16 was so reassuring was that it reaffirmed that we were doing right by God. We were walking in faith, even though we didn't understand (see, after our face-to-face interview with CO in early Dec, God led us to say "no" to their invitation to continue in the process & become their pastoral candidate). As for me personally, I was clinging to Him and learning to trust Him in a new level with my obedience and submission. I was learning to trust in His love at a new level. He never let me down...constantly comforted, reassured, and encouraged with His words (and with friends He brought my way) :) He was also asking me to trust Him in ALL matters, even if that meant to remain in Arlington. That was to be my sacrifice. My dream of living in CO, being encompassed by living in an honest, transparent community, and the idea of adventure were only small components of the idols that needed to be sacrificed, as ultimately God was asking how deep was my trust in Him. Do I trust Him if His calling were to remain in Arlington? Do I trust Him if He were asking us to remain within the PC USA denomination as a family? Would I move forward with Him and surrender all? As you know, my answer was yes, and surrender/sacrifice was made. Was it easy? NO! Sacrifice & surrender always comes at a cost and it is never easy, however, isn't it interesting that only in the Christian life does surrender mean & bring VICTORY? ;) Key principle from this: ‘Faith in God's perfect provision enables true worshipers to surrender all.’ Also, as I continued to spend time with Him, and be in His Word, He made it abundantly clear that He already knew of the quality of my love for Him, but I needed to know that I loved God above all others. This was something key He had been revealing and showing me during this entire faith-testing, and the key lesson He had for me to understand.
Back to Gen 22…as
we carry on with Abraham, we know that he followed through in complete
obedience, determination to trust & obey God in sacrificing Isaac, and he
surrendered his will before God, being confident in God's promises.
Principle: ‘Our faith in God and
His promises is revealed by what we do and how we do it.’ Such
reassurance! I had followed through in complete obedience, determination
to trust & obey God, and surrendered my will before God, being confident in
His promises. Praise! When my emotions had been in turmoil, my
focus had been on Him and His promises, His past faithfulness, and Him
alone...praise, praise, praise!
So, now we get to
my even deeper encounter and interaction with God: a time that I have come to
regard as the day God delivered my personal ‘Word’.
Gen 22:11-24
expounds upon God's intervention with Abraham and his sacrifice of Isaac.
He intervenes and tells Abraham to STOP! Listen! He lets
Abraham know that the test is over now that Abraham has shown His willingness
to completely trust. It is time to go in a new direction, and Abraham is
left in utter praise, adoration, and exuberant joy over the blessings that come
from obedience.
Here is how Gen
22:11-24 directly relates to us and how God visibly has been walking with us
through the details of our lives:
-It was
mid-January 2013 and several weeks since our last conversation with Faith EPC,
where we had shared that God was leading us to say “no” to moving forward with
them in the candidacy process as their possible new pastor. This particular Sunday in mid-January, Rob
had just gotten home from church, and we were talking in the kitchen.
Reviewing his sermon (over discernment...perfectly timed!) we both
acknowledged & accepted the fact that God had us held here in Arlington for the present.
We both recognized the good works He had been doing through FPCA & in
our community, as well as the purpose He had provided for us personally in
ministry. It wasn't but FIVE minutes later, after Rob had walked into
other room to help our daughter with homework, that Rob came back into the
kitchen, visibly disturbed. He had just received an e-mail....from CO.
-Basically, the
e-mail was from 2 of the committee members who were wondering how Rob would
feel about discussing some questions they personally had as to why Rob left the
candidacy process (they were interested in an exit interview, per-say).
They also made comments as to how they truly wished this were to be a
more joyous and forward moving conversation with him as the possible new
pastor. Upon reading this e-mail, Rob was left with wondering if this new
intervention was something God-ordained & that he needed to prayerfully
consider. The main question running
through his mind was, “had he truly been blinded by other distractions and miss
the call God had for him? Was this an opportunity for a "do-over?"
(And, yes, I was faithful to share
& quickly point out that even Abraham received a do-over in Gen 20-21...It
was evident to me that this could be ours!)
So, Rob and I committed
to being in prayer individually over the course of the next week, and come
together mid-week to share where we had both been led. For, if we felt
led to reconsider CO, then Rob was going to contact the head of the committee
and talk things over with him prior to this slated “exit-interview” with the
other committee members.
During this time,
Rob also had breakfast with his best friend. It was his best friend that reminded
Rob of something he had somehow forgotten (his words, not mine) & that is,
"Why was it you first got into this process of looking/interviewing?"
He reminded Rob of our conviction that we could no longer remain in the
PC-USA. Now, mind you, I have been sharing these very same concepts and
words with Rob, but for whatever reason...he hasn't heard me like he heard his
best friend that morning. His best friend was able to remind & help
open Rob's eyes to the truth and conviction we had to move on from the PC USA.
He further began to inquire if, due to Rob's health issues and the
distractions VA posed (for there was another church that pursued us during this
2 year process), did those things get in the way of Rob truly being able to
hear/discern God's calling/leading? All of this became echoed in Rob’s
personal praying over the course of that week.
When
Rob and I came together mid-week to share where we had been led during our
individual times of prayer, I shared that I truly felt we should contact the
head of the committee in CO and see what the chances were for a ‘re-do.’
I explained how I continued to feel strongly that God gave us a ‘STOP!
Listen!’ command in the kitchen that previous Sunday afternoon, and that I felt
He was offering guidance down a new direction of re-visiting CO.
All
I can say is that all of this truly made me want to shout for joy! Oh how
I have been singing praises of adoration! And, it’s not (solely) b/c God was
possibly leading us down the road of another opportunity with CO, but more-so
that I had experienced an interaction/intervention/& reassuredness from our
Lord. See, even if we were to remain in Arlington...I felt I had received a WORD from
God and a reassuredness of His faithfulness. It also seemed to me that blessings
truly were coming from our obedience!
As for the rest of the story…God has revealed that CO is indeed in our future & it has been a joy to faithfully walk through the doors He has been opening. As we have faithfully been moving forward in Him, other revelations of His faithfulness to walk alongside us and be with us have come to our attention. It is with God-honoring joy that I share:
As for the rest of the story…God has revealed that CO is indeed in our future & it has been a joy to faithfully walk through the doors He has been opening. As we have faithfully been moving forward in Him, other revelations of His faithfulness to walk alongside us and be with us have come to our attention. It is with God-honoring joy that I share:
·
Confirmation
from Above in recently discovering that, one of the couples who has been faithfully
praying with us through this entire, crazy, faith-filled CO journey, had a
dream that we would be extended a "re-do". The husband (who had
the dream) will honestly share that he is not a dream-visionary person, or one
that usually has dreams that hold such significance. As we have discussed all
the time-tables, it became clear that all this transpired just a week or so
before our “re-do” became reality. Not
only that,
this dream occurred, no doubt, right around the same time our Teaching Leader at BSF was delivering her message over Gen 20-21 & Abraham's "re-do" with Abimelech. To God be the glory!
this dream occurred, no doubt, right around the same time our Teaching Leader at BSF was delivering her message over Gen 20-21 & Abraham's "re-do" with Abimelech. To God be the glory!
·
Another
confirmation & blessing from obedience...financial provision. God has
richly been blessing us with regards to this transition and with granting us
wisdom in our financial matters.
·
God
has also blessed me with restored joy. No matter what the future holds, I
always know He walks with me, He is good, He can be trusted, and He is
faithful. I am excited by our upcoming adventure to CO, and committed to
faithfully walking with Him through every step of this transition & beyond.
·
God
has blessed us with unity & immeasurable peace. Rob and I are united in this decision to move
forward with CO, where at one time we were not.
We have faithfully waited on God and His perfect timing, thus we have
found His unity & peace.
So, for those of
you who have been on this journey from the very beginning…thank you for joining
us in steadfast prayer. It is due to all your prayers that we have truly
been able to “stand firm” in the Lord through it all. For all of you loved ones who are on this
journey with us from here on out, thank you for your steadfast prayers also.
For all of our loved ones, thank you for always being there. Each of you
ared treasure and I am so very thankful for how God has richly blessed us with
each of your friendships.
In
closing, I would like to share something a dear friend sent me during some of
the most difficult times over this recent journey. It is a devotional taken
from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
& is in the December 21st entry:
"My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears---through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as your gift. You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles---and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory."
"My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears---through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as your gift. You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles---and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory."
May
we all strive to live by faith & thus be enabled to see His magnificent
glory.
"For we live by
faith, not by sight."
2 Corinthians 5:7