Upon celebrating our first anniversary of moving & living in Arlington, TX in Nov of 2007, my husband mentioned to me the weight in his heart regarding our home. He shared with me how God was moving in his heart that the house we were living in was not the right house for us. Little did I know what lessons in sacrifice & discipline, regarding house, home, marriage, and service that I would soon be learning!
I was floored by my husband's sharing and wasn't ready to hear that we might need to consider giving up our “dream” home (well, at least, in my perspective, it was my dream home). Granted, we had definitely had our fair share of financial trouble and burdens since moving into the, but the thought of moving again had never crossed my mind. That is, until April 19th of 2008.
It was on this day that God revealed to me, through His Word and time with Him, a little of what the future held for my family & I. I was attending our church's annual women's retreat that weekend and was attentively listening to our speaker on what God teaches about glorifying Him. It was in her directing us to two particular scripture passages that I experienced an encounter with God that I will never forget. It was a pivotal and life-changing moment.
First, this passage of Jesus' words in John 16:13-15 jumped off the pages at me:
“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.”
“he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you.” are the key words that rang in my ears...along with the one word of : Sacrifice.
The Spirit was directing me in what to do, and what was yet to come. He was clearly guiding me, in that one word, sacrifice, and bringing to mind the words Rob shared from his heart from months past. It was time I got on board with God's plan, let go of our home, and sacrifice. It is what He desired, and it was what would bring glory to Him.
The next passage shared by our speaker only continued to confirm this line of thought. These are, once again, Jesus' words from John 17: 1-5:
“Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may k now you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.”
I realized, as I sat there, that the highest honor I could ever achieve or receive in this life would be to share with Him how I had “brought You glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. “
Here, in Jesus' exact words, was confirmation that I was hearing correctly, and that glory would be brought to Him if we were to obediently act on what He was sharing, and continue to listen, trust, & obey. True discipline (of a higher level) was about to be introduced into our lives, not to mention the promised blessings of the abundant life God has for us.
So, in June of 2008, we officially had our house on the market. We had a fight with the devil for a month or so, as we had some major setbacks to overcome before getting our house on the market. The spring of 2008 held several major storms for the north Texas area, especially one hail storm that did quite a bit of damage to many homes. One of those storms damaged our home and we took on quite a bit of water in our guest bedroom downstairs. Thus, the baseboards, flooring, and some sheet rock all had to be replaced and repaired. Knowing that Satan was doing his best to try to keep us from moving forward in our mission to glorify God, we moved forward with great gusto in getting that room repaired!
To our dismay, upon putting the house on the market the beginning of June, we had a buyer and a contract on the house within 5 days, complete with the sale at our asking price. This was unheard of, especially since it was the beginning of the housing market crash and such dire economic times. But, we all knew, that it was to God's glory that the house had sold, and it was God Himself who had orchestrated the events and provided what seemed to be the impossible.
For me, this is where the story takes a twist & turn, and where I was privileged with the opportunity to draw even nearer to our Lord. He challenged us. For, in the week and a half before we were supposed to close on the house, the buyers backed out of the contract. They offered no explanation, just that they simply were no longer interested in the home. My husband and I were crushed, especially since we had already moved forward in extending a contract on another home and were set to move into that home within that same week and a half. Everything that we thought was in place fell apart. Not only did we have to withdraw OUR contract, we had to re-think school enrollment for our oldest who was entering into kindergarten. We had to re-think how we were going to organize the house so that it would be ready to go back on the market, even though we had a majority of the house already packed up. Needless to say, I was personally devastated & crushed. And, I felt lost in understanding this side of God. We had been obedient in doing what He had asked...we were making sacrifices to glorify Him...this event just didn't mesh with the understanding of the characteristics of the God I thought I knew.
However, God is faithful. God is always in control. God can always be trusted. And, it was to these promises I clung. I delved into His Word, grateful to our church for providing a summer study of the Psalms. Being in the Psalms during this particular season in life was God's way of coming-alongside, continuing to love me, and shower me with the revelation of ways He was truly in the details of our lives. I also came to the understanding that it wasn't about understanding God and His ways. It was about trusting Him. Something so simple, and that I thought I understood, yet truly did not. For, when I was left baffled by circumstances, I floundered and began traveling down “Avenue 'D'”....avenue of defeat, doubt, etc., and asking those “why” questions that are all too easy to ask of God when circumstances are dire. It was during this time, and being in the Psalms, that I began to understand that He was reminding me, and asking me, to let go of trying to “understand” and to simply trust Him. There is freedom found in Trust....freedom indeed!
So, we devised a plan, with our trust and faith firmly founded in Christ and what He had planned in the future months. We made the decision to homeschool our daughter, as the move and change of schools continued to be inevitable. We felt this was the best decision for our family, especially for precious Cameron. Our house was back on the market by the beginning of August and we had a plan for the fall months. I won't gloss it over and say that those months were easy months...they weren't. Especially due to the dire financial strain we continued to suffer, and how it carried over into our marriage & family life. Part of my reason for not sharing this story more openly is due to the emotional time it has been for Rob and myself. It is simply too difficult sometimes to open up when emotions are so tender and raw. Simply put, last year was a very difficult year for Rob and I in our marriage.
However, my strength and courage to persevere came from the Lord. I am incredibly thankful for my involvement and the structure of BSF. I find great encouragement from example & commitment of fellow BSF leaders. It is their living example and the discipline of being in God's Words daily that has continued to carry me through all the difficulties. Let me share how our BSF study of the Life of Moses has directly correlated and encouraged me during this final part of the journey.
It was in our lecture from Ex 16, that our Teaching Leader mentioned how the Israelites were grumbling. Yet God did not have it out with Israel. Instead, He was using this time to test, teach, and grow Israel because Israel needed to see God in the details. They needed to be encouraged to live life in the vertical. I saw a direct parallel between the season of life the Israelites found themselves in and the season of life I found myself in. God had been growing me, teaching and testing me and revealing Himself to me in the details of my life.
I also found great comfort in Ex 17:27, when the Israelites came to Elim and were refreshed. God led the Israelites to Elim and He provided healing. There is healing found in His Word. He promises to deliver us from pain and, through this passage in Ex 17, shows us how He is in the very details of our lives. After we pass the test...there is deliverance. Oh, did I ever hold fast to this promise! It provided such hope for me last November!
I was also encouraged by the lecture surrounding Exodus 33. Our Teaching Leader mentioned, “Once we have tasted of God, we want nothing less.” Moses had tasted of God and he yearned for nothing more than to move forward with Him. How encouraged I was by these words, for they were reminders of the times God had spoken to me through His Word and how being in His presence, experiencing His glory through spending time in His Word were all fulfilled promises to living the abundant life. I had already experienced so much, and there was so much to look forward to, if I only continued to look to Him (not circumstances). His peace would prevail if only I remained focused on Him through it all.
All in all, we have continued to remain focused, continued to remain obedient, and have experienced joyful deliverance as we started a new year with 2009. While on vacation, we received the news that we had a contract on our home. We were to close on January 23rd. Now, here is where God's Word continues to align with our lives so perfectly, and he continues to reveal Himself in the details of our lives:
-Jan 14th found us discussing Exodus 40. Exodus 40:34-38 discusses God's glory filling the completed Tabernacle and how the cloud rested on the Tabernacle. The Israelites were guided by the cloud, when it lifted, they traveled, when it descended, they remained encamped. From this lesson, our Teaching Leader shared with us the Blessings of Doing it God's Way, which were: a clear conscience (at peace), safety (God protects us from mistakes we cannot foresee), joy in knowing we are pleasing God, and unbroken fellowship and awareness of His presence. Oh, how I rejoiced in my seat upon hearing these words of confirmation! To be living in the blessings of God! Everything was moving forward smoothly for our closing and move on Jan 23rd, and we were about to be delivered from a bulk of financial hardships brought on by our house, and with that a renewal of marriage commitments (we celebrated 12 years on Jan 4th and have enjoyed this year of “new beginnings”)
Our Teaching Leader continued to share that, “God honors our obedience...His blessings are out of the world.” Oh, yes they are! What peace comes from obedience in Him, what joy there is in knowing we are walking in His ways, what rest comes from trusting in Him with ALL the details of our lives.
That day in January, we were also encouraged from Ex 38:21 to be “diligent in tracking our resources for God, just as we are diligent in our personal resources." For the first time in our marriage history, Rob and I are committed to tithing our 10%. We are committed to give cheerfully and thankfully from all that God has given us.
We closed successfully on our home on Jan 23rd. We are now living with my mother in law as we prayerfully move forward in house hunting. As we step into this next portion of God's Plan, and ultimate deliverance, we can be encouraged by the journey and how evident His hand has been in all events. One of the next steps involves my mother in law. She goes in for surgery on Feb 12th for repair of a hernia, as well as the removal of a tumor. God's Plan was to have His timetable be such that we could all be living under one roof together so that we could come alongside her as she recuperates and faces the future of whatever the prognosis of this surgery reveals (ie results from pathology on the tumor). God knew we would need one another, and He placed us all right where we needed to be at this crucial time in life. Not to mention, upon enrolling our daughter into school, my responsibilities are lifted so that I can serve God's purpose with this Divine Entrustment He has given me in caring for my mother-in-law during this time. Pray for us as we begin this new journey and to God be the Glory in & through it all!
