Transparent Prayer

"Lord, grant our hearts the will to pray...for our sinful hearts forget."

 

This phrase within the verses of the anthem our choir sang this morning resonate deeply within my heart.  Enough so that I wrote it down in my Bible, so I can remember & reflect in the days ahead.  Oh how our gracious Lord is calling to me to come to Him with a prayer life that is open & transparent...and yet my will seems to forget and hold back.  Why?  Why is that so?

 

I see now how the truth of it all and my resistance is steeped in sin...my own sinful heart and sinful ways.  Pride is the biggest culprit, along with self-reliancy.  Oh that blasted independent spirit of mine! 

 

 

My head knows I am to surrender all and lay it down.  The burdens I carry, the worry & anxiety, the frustration over having a pre-teen and wrestling with trying to understand her up & down emotions that simply are not understandable, while keeping up with our ever active & curious, and "soaking-everything-up" 4 yr old.  I find myself quite weary emotionally and spiritually at the end of each day, as the above is only a fraction of what many of my days hold, as I give of myself to those God has called me into relationship with as a Christian leader in Loveland, Colorado & beyond.

 

My heart has great difficulty in letting go.  I find it ironic and such a testimony, as the Lord warns us in His Word how the heart is malicious and cannot be trusted.  Definitely true here, as I wrestle with independence, self-reliancy, & pride...unwilling to lay it all down, in the hands of our ever-gracious and loving Lord, where I know He will tenderly discipline, heal & grow me.  What a battle!  And, how my heart cries out the above prayer..."Lord, grant me the will  to pray...." 

 

May I draw near to You, oh Lord....James 4:8