Deer in Headlights

October, 2011

So, what is it that has me caught as if a “deer in headlights”? Oh, is it fear? Really, fear, again?! Sigh.

Why yes, yes it. Honestly, it isn’t nice to see you again F-E-A-R. Really, it isn’t.

Remember, I was choosing adventure over you! Truly I was!

However, it seems that fear will be a thorn in my side these days. The true catalyst of what encourages me to daily come before our loving & gracious Lord in surrender. And, just this week, I have come to realize another facet of fear that needed placing before our Lord, with His gentle call to yield, surrender, & follow Him through it all.

Allow me to start from the beginning. I begin with humble thanksgiving. I am so thankful that the Lord is so gracious to meet us in His Word. How He encourages & shows of His intimate care of us through the power of His Word! How wise He is to allow me to be studying the book of Acts during this particular season of life. His timing of this study alone, along with all our church & denomination drama, has been encouragement and witness to the power He has in the details of our lives. I stand in awe as I witness & experience God walking intimately with me during this time in life. I am moved to tears as I am held in His hands, experiencing the depths of His love & sovereignty, and know without a shadow of a doubt that He has a purpose & plan in all this. He is going to move, and it is going to be powerful. I simply have to be patient, continue praying, learning, obeying & listening…no easy task for this person who likes things neat & orderly!

This particular “deer in headlights” moment started with the studying of Acts 5:17-8:8. A recent journal entry of mine will help get us adequately started. Here is part of my prayer written to our Lord from October 3^rd, 2011:

“Father, I am so weak & You are so strong. Fill my weaknesses, oh Lord, & renew a right spirit within me. Father, I have come to realize how I cling to fear more than I cling to you. Free me from the grasp of fear---I long to be strong in You, & You alone.

Father, I am gripped with fear at the thought of suffering & the suffering that would thus come about for the family. Forgive me for seeing fear vs. Your good. Father, you alone are good. You are Protector & Guide. Protect us from shame & disgrace. Uphold your servants & show us the way you would have us go. Reveal what you are calling us to do. Renew Rob’s energy, focus & quench his desire. I pray for Rob’s steadfastness in You. I pray for courage & boldness, for His strength to come from You & his words & actions to be righteous & true.

Father, equip me to support. Free me from fear. Fill me with Your boldness to withstand whatever challenge/difficulty/turmoil that could possibly lie ahead….”

What did I get hung up on in Acts 5:17-8:8 (other than the obvious fear I mention more than once?!). I got hung up on Acts 5:41…specifically the word “rejoicing.” The apostles were rejoicing in this particular passage due to the suffering they had encountered at the hands of the Sanhedrin because they had been proclaiming the Good News of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. They “rejoiced because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” Wow. As you can tell from my above journal entry, I simply was not there & I was that lone deer caught in the beam of headlights from an upcoming Truth God was desiring for me to yield & surrender to. Yes, I felt as if I was about to get plowed over. Yes, I felt as if it just might near kill me, too.

You see, with all our denomination “yuck” that has been going on, our church’s current deliberation in prayerful discernment over what to do/action to take, & our local Presbytery clearly sharpening their hostile vice-grip on churches slightly bent toward leaving the denomination, I have come to the conclusion that suffering just may be on the horizon for us. And, just like the apostles, it comes down to the fact that we’re teaching/preaching/sharing the love & message of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. We are stirring up the hornet’s nest. We are daring to share the offensiveness of Jesus Christ…and for that we just might suffer. Rob might lose his job, might be ripped of his ordination & credentials in our denomination, and be left in “not-good standing” with our denomination. Not to mention the emotional turmoil all the above would place on our church & its congregants, not to mention our elders, staff, and our personal family. Yes, suffering is a high probability. Yes, it is scary & yes, I am very much fearful.

However, the Lord is gracious & gentle. He has lovingly come along-side my fear that I was relinquishing up to Him & striving to lay down. Here is how He has answered, & here lies His gentle & intimate way of meeting me in His Word to do so:

Through widening my perspective:

· In Lesson 1 of our BSF notes, we recently read how “Acts presents a cycle involving Christian work accomplished in the power of the Holy Spirit. Prayer leads to power to preach or witness, resulting in miracles of changed lives & spiritual healing, which in turn leads to persecution or opposition.”(pg 2) God opened my eyes to how, throughout the Christian life & Christian work, we experience this cycle. It can be witnessed again & again in the Bible and countless stories within the Old & New Testament. People were persecuted, people prayed, and people received the Power of God to move mountains, cross rivers, claim victory. We too find ourselves in this cycle. We are being persecuted for being evangelicals, we are devoted to prayer, and we are about to witness His Power & purpose in this matter…in His time and as we daily surrender the battle to Him. Oh, how this perspective has encouraged me to further live the Spirit-filled life to finish what God has given us to do for Him in this world!

· From Lesson 4 of our BSF notes, “It took persecution following Stephen’s martyrdom to thrust them forth to evangelize Samaria & beyond.” (pg 1) As believers were scattered from Jerusalem following Stephen’s stoning & the Gospel proclaimed, it dawned on me that our persecution might directly encourage expansion of ministry of some sort. That would be the good, the power, and the purpose that might come from our suffering. He promises to hold us, provide for us, and care for us just as He promises to bring good from these dire circumstances (Romans 8:28). My fear is slowly being replaced by the recognition and understanding of God’s good & purpose.

· Once again, from BSF notes in Lesson 4, “The test of a true work of God is that such opposition only serves to bring forth new fruit, increased power & deeper spiritual roots.” (pg 3) Power comes through united prayer & is modeled for us through the apostles in Acts 4:23-37. “They quietly united for prayer in Jesus’ name. They prayed to the living, personal God who has all power & authority over all flesh (4:24). They used the promises & prophecies of Scripture (Psalm 2) as a basis for prayer in the will of God (Acts 4:25-28) & they made a clear-cut, specific request. They did not ask for protection. They requested more boldness to witness & more power to help other needy individuals (4:29-30). Finally, God answered by power (4:31). God manifested His approval of this gathering in answer to prayer by the outward sing of an earthquake. There was a new infilling by the Holy Spirit that resulted in mutual love & intimate fellowship among them (4:32), great power to witness (4:33), great grace (4:33), and generous financial giving to God & His people (4:34-37). God allowed this opposition in order to consolidate them & deepen their roots in Christ.” (pg 3) If we continue on in unified prayer (as individuals, elders, church, etc), we can have the blessed assurance that God will act powerfully on our behalf and answer our prayer for restoration, renewal, community, & deepening of our roots in Christ! How exciting! Flee fear…bring on adventure & excitement in Christ!!

· Lastly, our most recent BSF notes from Lesson 5. The opening sentences, dealing directly with new-found Godly purpose to all this demise?? “Disruption & displacement in life are almost always painful. However, they can lead to expansion into new work & new effectiveness. In the hands of God, removal from one place or endeavor can bring renewal for knowing Him better. There may be new, significant work for His cause in the world. (This was the experience of the first believers in Jesus). God's purpose is never frustrated by persecution. He personally cared for His own little flock & fulfilled His purpose in the world during those days of suffering. Have you ever considered your present trial as an opportunity for expansion? We must recognize that the desire for eternal fruit & an expanded ministry involves choosing to die (with Christ by the power of the Cross) to everything except the work of God in our life. Jesus has promised that such a decision will result in a fruitful life.” (pg 1) More encouragement! More words assuring me that He has me in the palm of His hand & that He is Sovereign & in control of it all. More importantly, He is equipping me for what is ahead, may it be suffering or new ministry opportunities, or all of the above…He is equipping & growing me into the woman of faith that can “rejoice because I have been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” (Acts 5:41)

· One final reminder from the notes in Lesson 5, pg 6: “Paul was content to wait God's time...He was hidden in God's hand until he was ready for God's use. Am I patient while God prepares you for an unknown future ministry?” Yes, Lord, although it is difficult (daily!), I will patiently wait, hidden in Your hand, until I am ready for Your ordained use.

Through the understanding of powerful Principles:

Thank you, Esther Farhat, our beautiful Teaching Leader for our Day Women’s Class of BSF, for these profound principle Truths!

· “Waiting always involves prayer for God to reveal our next step of obedience.”

· “Spirit-filled believers participate in a devoted community that attracts people to Christ.”

· “Unified believing prayer releases God’s power & enables His hand to move.”

· “Courageous Christianity proclaims the name even in the most difficult of situations.”

· “God’s divine purposes will never be frustrated by man’s demonic plans.”

All of this has led me to end with the last of my prayer journal entry from October 3^rd and the realization of how our Lord has blessed, cared for, and spoken to me in the place of my most dire need. He is dispelling fear, as long as I continue to surrender & obey.

“Father, I surrender to you. You are good. Your ways are best. Father, even though the trials & circumstances may become dark, hard, dismal, & challenging---You are the Light of my path & I know You will lead us to what is best. I pray for angels of encouragement to surround us as we enter this battle. Thank you for Your provision. Amen”

Yes, thanks be to You & all praise, glory, & honor to You alone! Amen!!